How to Switch off Worries and Negative Thinking
Humans worry! We worry about whether or not we are good parents, we worry about our children’s choices, we worry about what other people think of us, or what we will do when our car breaks down for the last time. We worry about money, retirement, our work performance, the way we dress, our weight, getting old………the list goes on!
How many times has someone said to you, “How is worrying about it going to help?” “You’re such a worry wart!” “Everything will be fine, quit worrying!” Yup, easier said than done! I get it!
First, let me put your mind at ease by clarifying that you are NORMAL! Those “what if….” or negative thoughts that pop into your head are completely normal, and they only become problematic when you give them too much time and energy. Our mind is programmed to keep us safe, therefore, when we think that there is a potential for risk or harm our brain keeps reminding us. As well, the human brain is a busy organ with well over 4000 thoughts per day moving through it, so of course some of those thoughts will be negative and/or about the future. In addition, we experience real problems in our lives, and they too will consume our thoughts. We can’t always control what pops into our life or our head, but we CAN control how we deal with it!
Having said that, I do realize that worrying and anxiety can reach unhealthy levels, and many individuals are diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety disorders, and mental illness. Although much of the information that I am writing about here can be helpful for those folks as well, I don’t want to minimize the struggle of those experiencing more extreme forms of worry and anxiety. This blog will speak to those who perhaps have not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or PTSD, but who have been tagged by friends and family as a “worry wart”. The people who continually have negative thoughts about future events and follow those thoughts with sentences that start with “what if….”
Take some time and ask yourself:
Does worrying really change the outcome of what will happen?
Do you more often than not imagine the potentially negative outcomes rather than what could possibly go right?
Do you find yourself getting more “worked up” from those “gloom and doom” thoughts followed by experiencing unpleasant symptoms of anxiety?
I want to point out that constant or excessive worry is different from strategizing, planning, and being prepared for a potential future event. We love certainty, and preparation is a healthy way to reassure us that we are going to manage the future situation just fine. This is not the same as the constant and repetitive rumination of “what if…..” followed by anticipating the worst case scenario.
What is the definition of worrying?
The Center for Clinical Intervention defines it as: repetitive negative thinking that dwells on potential negative future outcomes
You may, like many, use strategies to stop worrying that rarely work and can actually increase worry:
You tell yourself to stop worrying
You tell yourself that the likelihood of the worst-case scenario playing out is small
Trying hard to focus on something else or telling yourself to quit thinking about the worry (have you ever tried the exercise that instructs you not to think of a pink elephant? Guess what comes to mind?)
Telling yourself everything will be ok
Seeking constant reassurance from or constantly discussing the worry with others
Seeking information obsessively about your worry (Dr. Google)
Using substances or activities to numb your worry (food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping)
Avoid situations that trigger worry (e.g not taking a new job due to performance anxiety)
To overcome worry and accept uncertainty you should try to:
Focus on the present (practice mindfulness)
Develop healthier ways of dealing with worrisome thoughts
You can accomplish this by:
Learning to tolerate uncertainty
You can’t possibly be certain about everything that will come along in life. When we can’t possibly know the ending for certain, we tend to create stories, often negative in nature, about what could happen. But they are just that….made up stories!
Try telling yourself a positive story instead of a negative one, or don’t tell yourself a story at all! Sit with the uncertainty and acknowledge that its ok not to know.
Ask yourself the following question:
If something negative does happen in the future, have I survived negative situations in the past? How did I do it? What tools did I use then that I could potentially use for future challenges?
Life consists of ups and downs. It’s not “if” something negative will happen in life but “when”!
At that time you have choices:
you can manage the negative event in a healthy manner, learn, and grow or;
you can allow your thoughts and emotions to run wild and have a worrisome and negative experience.
Wouldn’t it be a big waste of valuable time if you spent all this time creating a story about what might go wrong, and in the end you experience a positive or neutral outcome, or the event doesn’t happen at all!
2. Be aware of your thoughts and emotions
Worries are generally focused on the future, therefore, one way to nip worries in the bud is to remain in the present. As negative thoughts emerge, acknowledge and be accepting of your thoughts as they pass through your awareness. Think of those worrisome thoughts as passing rain clouds and watch them float by.
Secondly, as you notice the negative thoughts pass through your awareness, become conscious of how they make you feel in your body.
Is your heart racing?
Is your tummy fluttering with butterflies?
Are you short of breath?
Don’t try to ignore your thoughts or feelings, or push them from your mind, after all we all know what happens when we tell ourselves not to think about that big pink elephant! Acknowledge and accept them!
3. Let go
Everyone experiences a need for certainty. Those worrisome thoughts are there to try and reassure you and predict with certainty what will happen.
Its ok, and perfectly normal, to have worries, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Self compassion is important.
These thoughts and feelings, like so many before, will pass.
It is often not our situation that is problematic or unordinary, but rather our reaction to the situation.
As you watch the worry clouds pass through your mind, and you recognize the emotions playing out in physical sensations in your body, concentrate on slowing and deepening your breath, or you may prefer to concentrate on the sounds around you, such as the wind whistling or children laughing and playing outside. The idea is to change your focus and to be present in the moment.
Don’t judge the thoughts or try to change them. You are having a normal human experience. You are in control of those thoughts and the emotions that go along with them as they pass by. This exercise allows you to disengage from the negative thoughts and find some relief, if even for a brief time.
This is an exercise in mindfulness, and mindfulness is a skill that can be built up gradually over time. It is forming a new healthy habit that can replace the old one of worrying about the future. It shifts your mind from “thinking mode” to “observing mode" as you accept thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations with a kind curiosity.
If your mind gets distracted, and goes back to your worries (this happens to all of us), be kind to yourself and gently bring your awareness back to your breath or other diversion which you have chosen.
Continue this exercise until your bodily sensations and your mind have calmed. You may experience a slowing and deepening of breath, a relaxing and lowering of your shoulders, and less butterfly activity in your tummy.
Begin mindfulness exercises when experiencing minor worries, and hone your skill so that you are more prepared when major worries surface.
A couple of additional activities that help me to settle my thoughts are journaling and meditation specifically at bedtime.
Journaling- If I’m busy executing work or daily tasks, but I can’t seem to take my mind off of a particular worry, I write it down in a detailed manner. I then schedule a set amount of time later in the day to problem solve the worry, either by myself or with another person. After unloading the worry onto my notepad, I can turn my attention back to the present moment and the tasks at hand. This activity also works well for those times when you are consumed with not forgetting something specific. Free your mind from the thought by releasing it to your notepad! Come back to it when time allows. Sometimes, by the time I get to dealing with the worry, it has disappeared or does not seem as profound! However, if it remains an issue, I take care of it by planning, rehearsing, or strategizing, and then I put it to rest. Do not schedule this activity right before bedtime, as sometimes dealing with the issue can raise strong emotions.
Bedtime meditation- Listening to a relaxing guided visual meditation, as I lay comfortably in bed, helps me to unwind after a long day. Find something that speaks to you. There are as many varieties of meditations out there as there are people using them. As you can probably tell from my website, the Atlantic Ocean is my place of peace and tranquility, so it’s only fitting that my guided visual meditation is related to the sea. I have shared the link below for you to enjoy. Just copy and paste it into your task bar. Be mindful as you listen, and if your attention wanders from the narrative, gently and compassionately bring your focus back.
http://sittingtogether.com/meditations/AnchorBottomOfStormySea.mp3
These suggestions for activities are a few of many. You can speak to your mental health provider for more helpful strategies to combat worrisome thoughts.
If your worry or anxiety becomes unmanageable, or if it is having a negative effect on your life, see your physician and/or your mental health provider.
For more information, book an appointment or visit my resources page:
https://www.savvycounsellingsolutions.com/
www.savvycounsellingsolutions.com/resources
References
Anxiety Canada. (2020, April 29). Anxiety in adults. https://www.anxietycanada.com/learn-about-anxiety/anxiety-in-adults/
Center for Clinical Interventions. (2020, April 29). Generalized anxiety & worry. https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Generalised-Anxiety-and-Worry
